Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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