he shaved USA in his pubs
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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