i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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