the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
