Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
