Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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