I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
