I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
