I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
