Fuck appropriateness.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
