It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
