My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
