The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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