I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
