You just made me feel so damn special
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
