never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
