I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
