i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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