I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
