Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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