I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
