I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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