Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize