WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
