I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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