goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize