Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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