somebody snuck up and got me drunk
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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