I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
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we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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