he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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