i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
