you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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