final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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