Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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