If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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