I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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