so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
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Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
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We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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