No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
