my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
