I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
