Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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