I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
