I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize