Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
How external is "for external use only"?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
