I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
