So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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