drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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