Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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