Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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