It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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