Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
