Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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