Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
