In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
