as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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