I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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