lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
