i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
