drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
