I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
