walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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