So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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