I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
