he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We have so much sex to catch up on
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
