tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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