Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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