Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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