I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
