check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
