Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
