I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
