Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
