Im at strip club and am horny
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
