You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
