Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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