mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I cockslap morals
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
