i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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