i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
