were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
