it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
