Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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