btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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