the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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