but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
