My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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