The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Randomize
